Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Video Games (Best And Coolest Way To Not Get Laid)

              I personally do not give a damn, I will die playing my games because people come and go. Your family members are going to die, your girlfriend (boyfriend in rare cases) will leave you because of your addiction; You will fail out of school and possibly lose your job but you know who will always be there? 
 Video God Damn Games.

                In my own world I have grown up with these little bits of electronic joy because think about it, what do you always fall back to when the going gets tough. Stuck in a boring lecture about when Einstein buttfucked some relativity into our life? Or how about 1 if by land and 2 if by sea or some shit like that? What about that ever so ball-rattling lesson of photosynthesis when we were in 5th grade? Whip this bitch out and call it good.

PS; I OWN GB printer still, don't make me prove it.


So yea you got through your adolescence this way, but guess what else came out along the way which kicked major ass? FUCKIN A RIGHT! MULTIPLAYER! KICK EVERYONES' ASS! Now you didn't have to be alone on your quests for glory because of that 2nd controller or that system link option. I don't know about you but anyone else in here X-Link KAI back in the day to spoof an IP connection to XBL so I could play Halo with my homies and hump the shit out of them upon their demise. In the case you are not quite sure what a "corpsehump" is I have included this example both visually and .... (what's a clever word for reading.... readily?? wtf why not?) available for you. BTW this is also very much so referred to as Tea Bagging. Typically it's supposed to be when you are getting some dome from a pretty girl but let's be honest, you aren't getting any of that here.                                

                                 Then as the years passed by I became even more savvy with how to get my game on ranging from servers through emulator programs with hundreds of roms that we can effortlessly play now on our phones, computers, and gaming consoles with the proper persuasion. The trick is though, some of even the oldest games still have secrets that we have not found. Like a 26 year old Easter Egg that was unearthed recently in a Donkey Kong game for the Atari. Maybe also how the new Batman Arkham City game was earlier revealed in Arkham Asylum as an "Easter Egg". If I got started on Easter Eggs though we will be here for far, far too long, but just know that some vary from a simple "you found a secret" message to "here have this weapon to blow the balls off your enemy from 3,000 miles away" I personally enjoy the latter of the two, but in this day and age, I am not selfish nor picky.

                       I have a lot more I'd like to say about this subject, so I will, but not today. I am going to come back to this subject constantly over time because there is SO MUCH to discuss about gaming. Yea you probably won't be the most popular with the opposite sex (unless of course you are a girl and then every techno-nerd will be splooging themselves and tripping over their own feet to get to know you or run that pesky quest for you so you don't have to. Perfect examples come from a series known as "THE GUILD" which you should look up sometime as well. I personally KNOW what a female vagina looks and feels like but don't fret, I did not always, and that nerd part of me shall never die most likely. Keep on gaming folks, and remember to keep that save file updating because nothing worse than advancing towards the end of Metroid and forgetting to write down your pass word or advancing in Punch out or FINALLY making it to FRIDAY in paperboy. Good Luck fuckers, you are going to need it, also so you know an upcoming blog will be comparing older games to newer games. Now here is some Metroid codes because I feel like it:

Get EVERYTHING code: NARPAS SWORD0 0000_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ as a password. Note: "_" indicates a space
Status Password
Slightly powered in Brinstar007ltp W20000 025kHa 8A00?Y
Ridley00U--- -u0000 0AFw9Y 1800sb
Ready for Kraid0Gz--- -m3e0G 00VvjS 3m00n?
TourianM7---- --zOA0 2T-tfm a000d5 atop
In suit, end gameuVt-Fg boo-W7 9t?lM0 O00Gsi
No suit, end game, best endingX----- --N?WO dV-Gm9 W01GMI
Play as the girl with all the arsenal weapons mMuiS1 II6-GE Jls?h0 m00WRM
Weird Code; Freeze, Varia, No bombs, odd ending Daniel Daniel Daniel Daniel
Brinstar with 10 missiles, 1 Energy Tank,and Long Wave Beam 018000 020000 04GA00 0000Xg
215 missiles, 5 Energy Tanks, all power-ups, both mini-Bosses defeated X-z-uJ lls0W0
Ready for Mother Brain2m-m?S 7p?20G 00lxYi 3W00nu
At Mother Brain's Lair, most power-ups M7?7pW ?VmGA0 2T-JNm U000cD
Second quest022400 A00000 05?00m 0000aS
Second quest at Ridleya0-AAA AAA820 9HTEYD B990hu
Second quest at Norfair81?KKK KKKG40 IAwTNA KIIGc9
Second quest as Samus without suit0WX002 W00004 1VW0C0 0000MO
All Energy Tanks empty, Wave Beam, no Varia, no bombs, start in Tourian THISPW-ACTUAL-LYDOES-SMTH1n
Unlimited rockets and energy, all power-ups except the Wave beam narpassword0000000000000

1 comment:

  1. Really nice post, can't wait for the next one comparing games.


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