Saturday, January 21, 2012

Gamer Chicks Are Hot (And Other Gaming Banter)

             Well maybe aside from rocker chicks as well but if you get a combination then you really can't ask for much more. But lets stick with one topic at a time because TOMORROW I think I will get to rocker chicks then maybe on Monday we make a comparison article together. First thing is first though, onto the subject of our topic and into her native habitat.
             The first thing we will try to take a look into is the REALITY vs FANTASY look of these types of girls. They DO exist which is our first great reality but there is an issue with that. Unless you personally KNOW the girl then you probably only speak to her over a gaming service such as PSN or XBL or TeamSpeak, Keystrokes, Macros, etc etc.

Some basic matters to address:

A) Are you even playing with a real girl
B) Does she have the skill she claims to have
C) Is it really that babe, or the elusive land whale

What We Hope For:

What really happens most of the time:
Buzz, your girlfriend, WOOF!
Ahh yes, facepalms for everyone.

Thanks Matt, Thanks Trey
Do you want to see my tits? 5000 gold please.


To dispel our first issue cited at A) typically I follow this rule of thumb, no one who games is a chick until proven otherwise because they belong in the kitchen and not on a console or PC of course, but we allow for the slim chance of it really being who they say they are.
                  I typically just see some slob who is a windowlicking basement dwelling 40 year old who enjoys ponies, pedobears and a general degenerate that plays in that fantasy world of getting some horny 14 year old with hairy knuckles in the hope of getting some side boob for running a 2 hour quest for "HER" and then somehow someway the magical vixen on the other end of the server will fall in love with them or some stupid shit whatever they think could possibly happen. So the first thing you must do is avoid all forms of contact with these kinds but HOW? Easy Answer. Never trust anyone and insult everyone no matter what.

       Typical banter on a daily basis between me and a few mates, and even a few gaming chicks I hang with (yes they do exist but shut up I'm getting my points across):

Get gaped, faggot.
You completely suck at this, faggot
Suck my tiny French cock, faggot.
You should just turn the game off and kill yourself, faggot.
I donkey punched your mom, faggot.


You will notice it's very important to put in question your opponents sexuality with no prior knowledge of their existence in the world until the server got warmed up and started humming.
This is to establish dominance and let whoever is out there know who the man of the room is. It's like love potion number 9 for women, it's like a beacon and you can practically hear the sandwiches being made already.

Quest For Sandwiches

Sandwiches Provided

   Now that the women have started being weeded out from the pansies and from the losers that thought they were tough shit and now are just jerking off with their own tears, let's get down to business. Typically what you should be left with at this point is the alpha gamer chicks, which is where the good ones come out and play and hopefully stay. But there is an important fact you must know and it is absolutely essential you follow the next pieces of etiquette to stay Alpha as Fuck.

    Don't be a wanker and fall all over yourself, and DON'T expect her to magically fall in love or do anything to make yourself look more like an idiot than you already are in reality. Be cool.
    The entire point of this quest was to find the elusive gamer chick and add her to your friends list, NOT to be a fucking romeo, douchebag.
    My personal favorite type of gaming chick is as follows and I personally know about 4 or 5 off the top of my head. They actually all hold some skill even besides just the ability to clean clothes and be in a kitchen. I'll provide 3 quick references to help you keep on track and to build your online harem.

Type A: Most Common & Not Able To Kick My Ass @ Halo
This is the type that most of us will know because our buds already have brought her around to our homes / apartements / lofts / etc. She has a general knowledge of a console or two and maybe even has a few keyboard and mouse games under her belt but most likely has kept her collection to the basics of Mario, Tetris, Burnout and a handful of games on the Wii & Kinect using herself as a controller at times which can be both fun & frustrating. You have to explain what a bumper button is and teach her how to change the input on the tv to get to said gaming console after she turns it on, but she is not ready to take on FPS's.

Type B: Less Common & Typically Most Fun To Game With
 This is where things start to get interesting with this type. She notices the difference between the console graphics and can tell you where the secret passages in Doom are and knows the Konami code. She knows how to sync up the controller and even has a few games of her own and possibly even a console at her place & yours. You can go questing with her or you can start a campaign and you still will generally take point because you've done this before, but you know that when it comes down to it, she can rescue you with a health pack and not let you bleed out alone & afraid.

Type C: The Most Dangerous & Insane
 This is the most dangerous type known to man. She can active reload and knows every corner of a race and knows how to boost off the line and which weapon will get the most effective Kill:Death ratio. She is one of us, and that is dangerous. Not only will she be on the console when you got home from the bar with your mates, she will challenge you AND win to just about any game of your choosing and when you lose she makes YOU bring her a sandwich. I have gamed with this kind a few times before and they take it personal when they noticed you took them out in a race or you corpsehumped her earlier that week. They are great to have on your side but be careful as they are also just as easily psychotic as they are hot. I've seen what happens when girls get into games against each other when they are like this. I have even taken off my mic a few times because the screaming was just too much to bear. The best ones like this stay silent most of the time until the end of the first match. At this point they speak and the entire room explodes when they realize they all lost to a girl.

Fake: Women During This Time Had Smaller Tits, FACT.

        I have seen some shit and done some things, but keeping to my guns their are gaming girls out there, but I digress because they are still small in numbers in the first place.
        I'd say out of 100% only about 30% even game in the first place, as most girls hate video games/ they are stupid/ they don't get it/ won't waste their time, and most commonly in my opinion just plain suck at them, we get frustrated and send them back to the sandwiches and their baby making tasks they are so good at.
       PS: Don't bring your babies to game night if you have one girls, they will end up drunk and cursing off other babies online and possibly be reported for slander.

           So to this I tip my hat to you, the gamer chicks out there, as you are few and far between in the first place and we can always game together as long as my thumbs are still attached and working. Remember though the internet is a rough place for anyone, if you are TYPE C you can take care of yourself and we might get along the best because you will rip into the opponents with me and possibly have a hell of a time laughing at the discontent of all the newbs out there.
          Know this, I will not be calling you up to go out on a date. I will friend zone you because some things are worth much more than casual sex to me, and a gaming partner is up there. The other types also are incredibly fun to hang out with a spend time with, but remember to stay classy and keep the nastyness for the circle of death, the placement on the race line and banter for the microphone. So try to keep it in your pants ladies and contain your orgasms, but look me up online for the following networks:

X-Box/Windows Live: Lepreemo
PSN: Lepreemo

You know where to find me, no excuses anymore. Let's Game It On.
Until Next Time,

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Uncensorship (I Give SOPA the middle finger)


            So being that this is a public domain NOT controlled by a giant conglomerate or anything (Google, AdSense) I have the amendment on my side in which I choose to flex my internet muscles a bit with my freedom of speech.

That's correct. Not a single fuck given.
                    Now some people say the internet isn't a very effective way of getting your individual voice heard, which I suppose is true in its own way because in a world of millions of digital voices, ours can get lost in the crowd very quickly and even if we do get a spotlight its not very likely that we will stay there long as internet fame has a very short shelf life before the next bit of insanity gets ejaculated into our eyes and ears. Notice how many fucks I just gave during the time I created pretty much a run-on sentence? But in the same light realize that it's not a HUGE deal but I have people in different COUNTRIES who just see my input and can share it as well as they see fit. AKA I am ALREADY heard around the world even if it is just a few paragraphs of insanity saturated aggression at a time. When was the last time your thoughts were being read by someone in Italy, Canada, US and UK all in one day? That's what I thought.

                   One of my biggest internet woes though is my lack of ability to pay for my asian prostitute prob.. er.. business expenses because I have not been funded yet by the millions of internet dollars out there. Trust me it's there as well, but being YouTube & Google had it out for me at one point due to a simple mistake I have been banned from using their AdSense and lost about $40 in real money thanks to my friends who follow me & new viewers/subscribers/followers every day. What is it they are trying to keep me from? Oh maybe they just need to ensure they have enough in their pockets so their grandkids families don't have to work at all because when it comes down to it; Would you even bother going to school if you were a multi-millionaire? Didn't think so.

It's ok to be a thief if you are cute enough.

                   SOPA has nothing to do with my personal conquest though, they are trying to keep people like you and myself, who are ultimately the nobodies, from sharing with each other without even the THOUGHT of making money off of each other. Now how fucked up is that? SOPA in case you were not aware of is the "Stop Online Piracy Act". In simple terms, they want to shut down all the free and open source programs which helps keep the internet being awesome. Why is this bad? Don't be stupid, you know damn right that copy of Nickelback you took from your girlfriends little brother should NOT be retailed at a price like $15.99, give or take a few bucks. Now a few of you are going "aww don't pick on Nickelback, they are just trying to make it too." Yea well F off Nickelback you all suck and don't deserve a record contract. The other arguement is you are STEALING from the artists, which for the most part is also completely false. Music was always free as I've seen it, you are paying for the packaging and greed. Now I myself dream one day to just make my living strumming away on my guitar and creating music, but I don't need to be a millionaire; Hell I'll take being a thousandaire.

               Point being almost EVERY band who has made it big makes their shitload of money from TOURING, not from CD sales, because that's when they sell  you a $40 t-shirt that fades after 3 washes but you are happy as fuck to pay for it during the time being so you can remember the show.

Elvis Costello Laughs At Piracy Warning  "Not even a 14yr old would be scared of that"

Joss Stone: Piracy Is Great A musician who realizes Music is free, it's the business that's fucked up.

Bender's "Anti-Piracy" Ad   Matt G. gets in on the giggles.
As I said I'm not trying to stir the pot with musicians, but moreso the marketing company and post production teams, NOT THE ACTUAL WORKERS, but the fat cats who are already lined to the brim in their pockets with blow and aids vaccinations meanwhile we the real people lose our jobs, homes, cars, etc. all to the conglomerates of this fucking country while we starve; So we share among ourselves quietly from Peer2Peer networks, such as my personal choice when it comes to sharing, uTorrent. There are also a number of sites like TORRENTZ.EU and the never dying who is RIGHT NOW posting THIS EXACT PHOTO for their home page.
This kind of looks like I'm not alone in this arguement anymore.
 I have another method as well for my primary download function, but it's a well kept secret somewhere at the end of the internet.

             Now I limit myself to software. Development teams and companies have a multitude of people to a small group of programmers, depending upon situation, for their individual software and I feel they truly do deserve something for their time and effort, but in all fairness, why the fuck should I pay $750 for a console and then have to spend on average $40-$80 PER game and THEN have to pay for the online service provider (X-box Live, I'm looking at you) and other games which make you pay month to month at another cost of $10-$20/month. They fine a college kid $375,000 for sharing 30 songs but they let a murderer walk free if he has a good enough lawyer and enough fame. What the fuck is going on here?

              Now I know I'm not covering all bases. I've left out the $40M/movie stars and $250K/episode stars, but that's because I don't have to and a bunch of you trollolers out there will bitch and complain some way and try and tell me I'm a moron and a thief, but you know what? A beautiful thing about the internet is the ability to just NOT READ IT THEN. Worst case scenario you actually DO get into an internet based debate or fight, what's the worst thing you are going to do, CAPS LOCK ME TO DEATH?? 

              I guess all I am really getting at is the only people who give much of a shit about this, are the money hungry grubs that don't have enough. Did you know that Simon douchebag makes over $167,000,000 a year. A FUCKING YEAR. ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN FUCKING MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS by his annoying ability to insult people and seem like hes so fan-fucking-tastic. I've never even heard of that douchebag before that crappy Idol show, and I don't care if you have either, hes a NOBODY. Then the mobs come and say, if he's such a nobody then why is he so rich? Because he knew another fucking nobody that gave him a break and now you people keep feeding him more and more by watching that trash. Only good thing I've EVER seen with that bag of vinegar douche involved with is when an  

ACCIDENT happened.


Personally I will probably never being rich and/or famous and I'm ok with that.

I play my music I wrote without censorship and I play with pure passion. 

I play my games with my other broke ass friends that I share the pirated games and apps with and we all have fun.

I watch my movies on Netflix or ones I download because I'm not going to be fed the crap you try and put in front of me on tv, but there ARE good shows on if you can find them.(Fuck Yea Forensic Files, Go Die Jersey Shore. I am also from Ocean County NJ, we are not like those people. None of them even live here.)

I have the freedom to post WHATEVER I want on here, within reason. (I only say within reason because Child Pornography is illegal in the country, and I agree 100% because that's just wrong, rage on Pedobears and people who's name rhymes with Bitch Comer and Kelly Barsley)
This is not a child.

And neither is this..

I choose not to seed my torrents (because that is my right) and SOPA can never take my rights.

I'm not telling you to agree with me.
I'm not telling you to share this with your friends or family.
I'm not telling you that it's all going to be alright.
I'm not telling you the lies the rest of them do.

I am telling you to think for yourself.
I am telling you to take a stand for your own beliefs.
I am telling you that no matter what they lose, they can't take what you are.
I am telling you to not let them dull your senses and dilute your mind.
 I am telling you it's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for what you are not.
     (I stole that last one from a dead guy, Kurt Cobain, maybe you've heard of him)


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Ahoy There Old Video Game Junkie! (I'm Your New Best Friend)

Hey anyone like old video games? for like, free? What about if it was all the old DosBox games available? No config needed. Some guy named D-Fend (I'm still skeptical if that is his real name btw) has created a Utopia for the 80's and 90's kids like us. So let's take this one step at a time because you are slow in the head.

                          Click ME ASSBUTT!!< See that?

 Nostalgia FTW. Download it assclown.

You extract it to where you want games installed in its own directory.

Open it then stupid. Hit the (+) add button.

Click download packages. Still with me moron? Good for you. 

Now scroll through the games and check the box of the one you want. 
Holy fucking asscrackers? Do you see what I see? FUCK YEA YOU DO!

Hit download & Install. I know that was tough jellybuns but you are almost there because this next part is really tough. 

Wait and do nothing as it downloads... Wow. Now when you are done stupid all you have to do is simply wait for the download screen to close. Because, MOTHA FUCKIN MAGIC HAPPENS! All you need to do is close your download window and there is something on the main screen you wont FUCKIN BELIEVE!

Now take your nubby little fingers around your mouse and move the cursor over the "RUN" button. I know, take your time.

I don't crop things.
Because you shouldn't need this in the first place, Stupid.

Congratulations genius, you're an idiot. Now get out of my face and don't say I never did anything for you.


Chitika Loves Me So They Asked Me To Sell You Some Stuff.