Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Top Ten Nintendo Video Games That Should & Should NEVER Become A Movie

I thought about this for many years now and to finally express it for millions to see is truly a thing of wonder. So many games, so many possibilities for one liners or cheesy cut scenes that can be done great justice. But not everything touched by Hollywood turns to gold. In fact some of it just comes across as down right bad and a waste of resources and time we truly wish we could have back.

This IS a top 10 list, but done in a slightly micro managed way. I was debating which side to start with until this morning. I will be going through the top 5 movies to NEVER make into a movie and top 5 movies to PLEASE make into a movie. Mind you also this is just the tip of the ice burg as the original Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) is just the beginning of our possible wows and woes of the silver screen.

The first section of this list I am tacking is the BAD section and let's finally get into it.

#5 Contra:

Albeit not my place to say it was a direct rip off of several other things; It was a direct rip off of several other things. We already have several movies like this and how many more times do you want to see a buddy flick mixed with fighting against aliens? Oh how about things like Alien(s), Independence Day, Mars Attacks, etc etc etc. Wake me when it's over. Thanks, but no thanks.

#4 Bomberman:

Something just makes me shudder when approaching this topic. It seems like an incredible and out there concept to immerse ourselves into a race of these people, and there would be almost a Grecco/Roman feel to it of them battling to the death for the entertainment of the overlords around them watching their kingdom kill each other for their amusement. But the idea would just be far too simple. I mean it would be like taking the game battleship and trying to make a movie out of something that pointless. Oh wait...

#3  Battletoads:

Now I know you are possibly already pissed off thinking "NO WAY! THIS WOULD RULE!" Here is why you are wrong. Think of the TMNT movies we had growing up, yea they were a whole lot of fun to watch and there was the cartoon series with it etc but that is just it. There already was a form of greatness to it, so they HAD TO adhere to it. Looking into what I think they would do to it now, just cannot justify to me how they will somehow screw with some unrelated story, the character design will be off and come off as just plain cheesy now to anyone over the age of 5 when we clearly want something bad ass and they will just give us something bad.

#2 Mega Man:

Now this one was a bit tougher to decide. I was not sure if I was for it or against it. It has a huge back story already over nearly 2 dozen if not more games. Which may be why it is in the DO NOT MAKE list. It simply has far too much ground to cover in a short 2 hours or less time frame. Although graphically now with computers I feel the team working on it could have a grasp in writing and design I just know deep down in the marrow of my bones far too much will slip through the cracks, they will drop the ball and this will end up being as much of a bomb as Crocodile Dundee 3 (don't judge me, I loved the first 2). Plus then that brings the whole live action Vs. anime style as well. Picture street fighter. They gave it a shot and let's be honest with ourselves, at the end of the day, it is high on the list of bad movies.




NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. The fanboys and fangirls would cause massacres. No one would ever be happy with the amount of details no matter how minute that could be put into this movie. We're talking Kubrick levels even. Do you start with him as a kid? Do you start as an adult and then flash back to WHEN he was a kid? Plus this would also cause a riot because too many bandwagon riders would jump on where they just don't understand why people get so upset when they say "I THOUGHT ZELDA WAS A GIRL?!?" There is FAR FAR too much of this already. Obviously many of my geek friends already know what I'm talking about but if you too are reading this and scratching your head. Zelda is a girl and a princess. BUT! You are not playing as her in the Legend Of Zelda. You are playing as Link. A confused young lady who embraces an old man in a cave's words of it being dangerous to go alone and he just willy nilly hands you a sword. Even that small detail alone I can see the shit storm starting. So I plead with you Hollywood. Leave this one alone, for all of our sakes.

Alright kiddies, now onto the more positive side of this list I have concocted.
These are the top 5 games I WISH they would make into a video game because of the unique and quirky details behind it that made them so memorable in the first place. So without any further delay, let's jump into it.

#5 Dragon's Lair:

Do I really have to explain why this would not be cool? Instead of just the laser disc version of watching Dirk the Daring and us barely interacting it would be done for an easy 90 minutes. Yes this was on MANY consoles including in the arcade but let us imagine for a minute here. Thumbelina AND Heavy Metal have the same style, and when was the last time we got to enjoy a great animated flick that could EASILY be up to a PG-13 rating if not racier for the little dorks all grown up now. We deserve to get real animation again in that style. We NEED to see real animation again.

#4 Bubble Bobble:

The short and sweet of it? We already know the details but these two little dinosaurs with a magic, and completely weird power are trying to defeat other balls to the wall insane creatures as their took their girlfriends yet somehow these two were also humans. Now I'm not saying this is going to be the best movie, but I think you could MAYBE do live action like the Super Mario Bros. movie (albeit that was not that great) but I'd recommend sticking to the animated version. It would be a PG/ PG-13 at best but you don't always need the buckets of blood to be entertained and a good "save the babes" flick normally turns out fun. Bill & Ted anyone?

#3 Deja-Vu:

Ok THIS is where it starts to get interesting. But let me clear the air first, this is NOT the Denzel Washington movie from 2006. From what I recall this is set right after Pearl Harbor in 1941 and you wake up in a bathroom stall and you have NO IDEA what you are doing there, why you are there or WHO you even are. This is an incredible "figure out your past" style game in which the details slowly unfold as you uncover the mystery and you need an antidote to help yourself. There are no super-natural events either so this can even be filmed by someone like you or me since little to no special effects would be required, just old fashioned detective work. A great choice as it could be twisted into a psychological mind thriller. It's kind of like Memento style but when it comes down to it the possibilities are near limitless and could be absolutely phenomenal.

#2 Blaster Master:

Why you might ask? When was the last time we had a kick ass sci fi movie.
The whole adventure begins when a kid has his frog jump out a window into some radioactive garbage and this dumb dumb decides to just follow him for no good reason and it's arguable he fell in after his frog. When we come back to the fade-in *lets just say he fell, bumped his head and is waking up* now he finds a gigantic battle robot which he IMMEDIATELY gets into to find his frog and starts battling the radioactive mutants under the earths crust all in a search for his hopping friend. Even the opening scene of the game is one of the most ICONIC of all time so far, I cannot see ANY reason why this would not be done right. Now if we only had the guys of the last starfighter and Jim Henson back it would be possibly one of the most epic movies of all time to have EVER had been created.

Finally the one I really, Really < REALLY want to see and to finish up this list

#1 - A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia:

Where to start with this one. Aside from the fact that you have this crazy alien blob that you have befriended, give him different style jelly beans and he morphs into different shit so you find treasures? What kind of drug trip were they on for this one and where can I get some. Also how about that opening theme song? I love it. It has a very strong Indiana Jones feel to it I think. Anyway the bad guy is a ruler of Bloberts' home planet and only lets them have candies and somehow this kid has been given the task of helping him defeat the evil emperor. Well you have to get these diamonds and treasures in order to buy vitamins and a special .... wow I forgot what the gun is called. I have to actually look it up...hold on a second... AH the VITABLASTER. Anyway, you have to use the vitablaster on bloberts'  planet. I know I have not put any links or pictures in here but I was saving it for this.

Here is the ENDING (SPOILER ALERT!) to this epic game.

It is not as epic as one might think, but after the hours and hours (or minutes if you are a pro-speed-runner) into the game you are happy to finally end his tyranny.

I truly hope you enjoyed my list as I worked on it many many hours in my head arguing back and forth with myself for longer than I care to remember, but finally it all came together in this marvelous list. Thank you for your time and I hope to speak to you all again for my next list.

~Jon Lepree   =  "Lepreemo"

Honorable mentions:

 Spy Vs. Spy: but I feel that has too much of that Mr. & Mrs. Smith feel too it and we don't need any more of that shit.
Adventures of LoLo: I just couldn't put it on the list with bubble bobble already being there.

Castlevania: I was very close to substituting this for another game on the list but I just couldn't decide what to do with it, but the idea for it still being a good movie is there, but we may never know.


Blaster Master:

A Boy And His Blob: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Boy_and_His_Blob:_Trouble_on_Blobolonia

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