Top Ten Nintendo Video Games That Should & Should NEVER Become A Movie

I thought about this for many years now and to finally express it for millions to see is truly a thing of wonder. So many games, so many possibilities for one liners or cheesy cut scenes that can be done great justice. But not everything touched by Hollywood turns to gold. In fact some of it just comes across as down right bad and a waste of resources and time we truly wish we could have back.

This IS a top 10 list, but done in a slightly micro managed way. I was debating which side to start with until this morning. I will be going through the top 5 movies to NEVER make into a movie and top 5 movies to PLEASE make into a movie. Mind you also this is just the tip of the ice burg as the original Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) is just the beginning of our possible wows and woes of the silver screen.

The first section of this list I am tacking is the BAD section and let's finally get into it.













#5 Contra:

Albeit not my place to say it was a direct rip off of several other things; It was a direct rip off of several other things. We already have several movies like this and how many more times do you want to see a buddy flick mixed with fighting against aliens? Oh how about things like Alien(s), Independence Day, Mars Attacks, etc etc etc. Wake me when it's over. Thanks, but no thanks.



#4 Bomberman:

Something just makes me shudder when approaching this topic. It seems like an incredible and out there concept to immerse ourselves into a race of these people, and there would be almost a Grecco/Roman feel to it of them battling to the death for the entertainment of the overlords around them watching their kingdom kill each other for their amusement. But the idea would just be far too simple. I mean it would be like taking the game battleship and trying to make a movie out of something that pointless. Oh wait...




#3  Battletoads:

Now I know you are possibly already pissed off thinking "NO WAY! THIS WOULD RULE!" Here is why you are wrong. Think of the TMNT movies we had growing up, yea they were a whole lot of fun to watch and there was the cartoon series with it etc but that is just it. There already was a form of greatness to it, so they HAD TO adhere to it. Looking into what I think they would do to it now, just cannot justify to me how they will somehow screw with some unrelated story, the character design will be off and come off as just plain cheesy now to anyone over the age of 5 when we clearly want something bad ass and they will just give us something bad.




#2 Mega Man:

Now this one was a bit tougher to decide. I was not sure if I was for it or against it. It has a huge back story already over nearly 2 dozen if not more games. Which may be why it is in the DO NOT MAKE list. It simply has far too much ground to cover in a short 2 hours or less time frame. Although graphically now with computers I feel the team working on it could have a grasp in writing and design I just know deep down in the marrow of my bones far too much will slip through the cracks, they will drop the ball and this will end up being as much of a bomb as Crocodile Dundee 3 (don't judge me, I loved the first 2). Plus then that brings the whole live action Vs. anime style as well. Picture street fighter. They gave it a shot and let's be honest with ourselves, at the end of the day, it is high on the list of bad movies.


Finally for the #1 PLEASE DON'T EVER FUCKING MAKE THIS INTO A MOVIE LIST






#1



The Legend Of Zelda (ANY TIME FRAME OR STYLE) EVEN WILLING TO BREAK AWAY FROM THE NINTENDO NES YEARS FOR THIS DISCUSSION. DON'T DO IT!

NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. The fanboys and fangirls would cause massacres. No one would ever be happy with the amount of details no matter how minute that could be put into this movie. We're talking Kubrick levels even. Do you start with him as a kid? Do you start as an adult and then flash back to WHEN he was a kid? Plus this would also cause a riot because too many bandwagon riders would jump on where they just don't understand why people get so upset when they say "I THOUGHT ZELDA WAS A GIRL?!?" There is FAR FAR too much of this already. Obviously many of my geek friends already know what I'm talking about but if you too are reading this and scratching your head. Zelda is a girl and a princess. BUT! You are not playing as her in the Legend Of Zelda. You are playing as Link. A confused young lady who embraces an old man in a cave's words of it being dangerous to go alone and he just willy nilly hands you a sword. Even that small detail alone I can see the shit storm starting. So I plead with you Hollywood. Leave this one alone, for all of our sakes.








Alright kiddies, now onto the more positive side of this list I have concocted.
These are the top 5 games I WISH they would make into a video game because of the unique and quirky details behind it that made them so memorable in the first place. So without any further delay, let's jump into it.


#5 Dragon's Lair:

Do I really have to explain why this would not be cool? Instead of just the laser disc version of watching Dirk the Daring and us barely interacting it would be done for an easy 90 minutes. Yes this was on MANY consoles including in the arcade but let us imagine for a minute here. Thumbelina AND Heavy Metal have the same style, and when was the last time we got to enjoy a great animated flick that could EASILY be up to a PG-13 rating if not racier for the little dorks all grown up now. We deserve to get real animation again in that style. We NEED to see real animation again.



#4 Bubble Bobble:

The short and sweet of it? We already know the details but these two little dinosaurs with a magic, and completely weird power are trying to defeat other balls to the wall insane creatures as their took their girlfriends yet somehow these two were also humans. Now I'm not saying this is going to be the best movie, but I think you could MAYBE do live action like the Super Mario Bros. movie (albeit that was not that great) but I'd recommend sticking to the animated version. It would be a PG/ PG-13 at best but you don't always need the buckets of blood to be entertained and a good "save the babes" flick normally turns out fun. Bill & Ted anyone?



#3 Deja-Vu:

Ok THIS is where it starts to get interesting. But let me clear the air first, this is NOT the Denzel Washington movie from 2006. From what I recall this is set right after Pearl Harbor in 1941 and you wake up in a bathroom stall and you have NO IDEA what you are doing there, why you are there or WHO you even are. This is an incredible "figure out your past" style game in which the details slowly unfold as you uncover the mystery and you need an antidote to help yourself. There are no super-natural events either so this can even be filmed by someone like you or me since little to no special effects would be required, just old fashioned detective work. A great choice as it could be twisted into a psychological mind thriller. It's kind of like Memento style but when it comes down to it the possibilities are near limitless and could be absolutely phenomenal.


#2 Blaster Master:

Why you might ask? When was the last time we had a kick ass sci fi movie.
The whole adventure begins when a kid has his frog jump out a window into some radioactive garbage and this dumb dumb decides to just follow him for no good reason and it's arguable he fell in after his frog. When we come back to the fade-in *lets just say he fell, bumped his head and is waking up* now he finds a gigantic battle robot which he IMMEDIATELY gets into to find his frog and starts battling the radioactive mutants under the earths crust all in a search for his hopping friend. Even the opening scene of the game is one of the most ICONIC of all time so far, I cannot see ANY reason why this would not be done right. Now if we only had the guys of the last starfighter and Jim Henson back it would be possibly one of the most epic movies of all time to have EVER had been created.



Finally the one I really, Really < REALLY want to see and to finish up this list






#1
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#1 - A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia:

Where to start with this one. Aside from the fact that you have this crazy alien blob that you have befriended, give him different style jelly beans and he morphs into different shit so you find treasures? What kind of drug trip were they on for this one and where can I get some. Also how about that opening theme song? I love it. It has a very strong Indiana Jones feel to it I think. Anyway the bad guy is a ruler of Bloberts' home planet and only lets them have candies and somehow this kid has been given the task of helping him defeat the evil emperor. Well you have to get these diamonds and treasures in order to buy vitamins and a special .... wow I forgot what the gun is called. I have to actually look it up...hold on a second... AH the VITABLASTER. Anyway, you have to use the vitablaster on bloberts'  planet. I know I have not put any links or pictures in here but I was saving it for this.


Here is the ENDING (SPOILER ALERT!) to this epic game.

It is not as epic as one might think, but after the hours and hours (or minutes if you are a pro-speed-runner) into the game you are happy to finally end his tyranny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uycQs0UkkZU


I truly hope you enjoyed my list as I worked on it many many hours in my head arguing back and forth with myself for longer than I care to remember, but finally it all came together in this marvelous list. Thank you for your time and I hope to speak to you all again for my next list.

~Jon Lepree   =  "Lepreemo"


Honorable mentions:

 Spy Vs. Spy: but I feel that has too much of that Mr. & Mrs. Smith feel too it and we don't need any more of that shit.
 
Adventures of LoLo: I just couldn't put it on the list with bubble bobble already being there.

Castlevania: I was very close to substituting this for another game on the list but I just couldn't decide what to do with it, but the idea for it still being a good movie is there, but we may never know.


Sources:

Blaster Master:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blaster_Master

A Boy And His Blob: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Boy_and_His_Blob:_Trouble_on_Blobolonia

Not-So-Super-Bowl 2013

This particular rant is brought to you by the Superbowl 2013. I do not normally personalize these situations but I feel this is going to be my one big one so might as well do it right, right?


Oddly enough I am not entirely disappointed today. Somehow it feels to me IMHO (biased, maybe) that the 49ers did not even lose yesterday. They clearly played better, got more beat calls on them, and the entire thing with Ray Lewis overshadowed the clear fact that:
1) This is now the FIRST time that the 49'ers have gone to the super bowl and lost 5-1
2)Did not tie for most rings ever with Steelers
3)A rookie would have won in the Superbowl (Also never accomplished, not arguing with you about this either Pz0)

Vs




A guy retiring who albeit is (Whoops, WAS) a good player, was SUPER HYPED into this
more than the great white hype.

I suppose another reason is the murder jokes have been flowing like wine and still funny,
 is easily just brushed under the carpet as this is not the first time a football star
has gotten away with murder.


















In so many words.

Did we forget also that someone who is better than Ray Lewis also was retiring this year? Whoops..

But we don't see much of this guy, no big deal though, but God help me if I don't talk positive about Ray Lewis instead of 88 Gonzo.




I stand here shaking my head and grunting in the ways of Lewis Black in my utter level of confusion and discrediting of this Not-So-Super-Bowl (Sue THAT, NFL) yet still feel nothing but pure pride of my team. They are easily seen as the winners, arguing with me about this is something although inevitable by many, will happen. My only issue is I cannot force you to be right, that is what I will apologize for. Due to clear replays, the 49ers got so many soft calls on them with multiple announcements from our favorite and funniest of officials.

Thooper Bohl

 There was I believe 1 penalty called on the Ravens when there were several more infractions saved for our super slo-mo pleasures and I don't need to argue with anyone. It's now a digitally documented fact of life.










Apologies in advance but this is the personal bit I felt at least I had to share as it makes me feel better and laugh.


So Frankie and dave dave were actually rooting for the Ravens last night
 (If you know them, you know them, if not, we are not good enough friends yet for you to know who I'm talking about is all)
I turned off the game after the first commercial break when the locker room party started. No one really had an objection to this out of the 13 or so people I had around for the viewing party. Everyone understood my frustration and I did not hear any shit talking, and still have not since while speaking of it of this bummer of a loss.
Except Frankie.
He got butthurt because I told him I'm not watching these losers party and if he doesn't like it he can leave and take his Stanky leg RG3 back to GoodBurger with him.

he left

sorry frankie.

Homemade Hooch

        So today for tradition of breaking back into things I am going to show you and teach you how to make a gallon of "hard gatorade" which you will not be adding alcohol to, but you will be converting the sugars and gatorade itself INTO alcohol which can yield anywhere from 15%-20% AKA 30Proof to 40Proof. 



The first step is not crucial as you can use simple tap water if you like. I will be using this gallon jug so you can see ratio I use and adjust accordingly as you like for whatever other product. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST WARNING THOUGH:

DO NOT USE anything which has Sodium Benzoate or Potassium Sorbate in it. This is what is known as a dry preservative and it will kill off your yeast and not allow it to ferment at all, meaning you just wasted time and money.


As you can see I'm just using a gallon of spring water though, my personal reasoning behind this is because like with anything if you start with a good base, you will have a better resulting product in the end.

Ok heres how you can determine ANYTHING that can possibly be used to make it a "Hard" version of literally almost anything.


First check your ingredients.

Now you see on this there are no preservatives so thats half the battle. Now the other trick is you need to make sure you have enough sugars per serving in this. Typically you want MINIMUM of 20g/serving of sugars in this. Our gatorade here only has 7g/serving so that isnt enough, we will have to adjust that in a few minutes and I will show you how.

Now on the can it says to use about 1/2cup of powdered mix into it per gallon. Also notice that in my water jug I did not fill it all the way to the top. I am using about 3/4 a cup of powdered mix here so the flavor can intensify in concentration and also linger after it started becoming alcohol and a bit more bitter.

OK now the next trick is you need to have your water at least "luke warm" you can either do this by running the bottle under a warm tap for a few minutes or just leaving it out of the fridge for a while. The reason this step is important is because of a few things

A) You want the sugars to be able to melt down (I know I havent gotten there yet) and 
B) Yeast loves a temperature between 67 & 78 degrees Fahrenheit in which it will yield the most life and activity. 

Ok so now personally myself I try and make sure that my yeast has a banquet of sugar. So I am going to be adding about 2 cups of sugar to the gatorade mix as to push the serving amount of 7g/serving well over the 20g/serving to help the alcohol produce along the way.

(I poured about 1 & 3/4 cup sugar in. It's not an exact science, but the extra 1/4 wouldnt hurt it.

Now if you were to uncap this mixture and take a swig it would be like drinking a diabetics nightmare. It wont hurt you or anything but it has a fuckload of sugar in it. Take the next few minutes to submerge the gallon jug into some warm water or run hot water over it, just to help speed up the process of the sugar melting and combining with our mixture. You can see now why I left room at the top of the jar becfause adding in the powder mix and sugar makes the level rise and we are going to want some space for air and carbon dioxide in our container when the time comes. Trust me.

Now this next step isn't crucial, but it IS the difference between having an OK product and having an AMAZING product. First off, we all have seen this yeast, it is OK at best, if you REALLY are going to use this stuff, try and find HIGHLY ACTIVE yeast of this brand as it WILL WORK, but the normal stuff will take weeks in comparison to days and it will not taste as good.

This is the good shit you should be using. It's expensive, but WELL WORTH THE INVESTMENT. You can ebay this shit even. I paid 18 bucks for 2 large packets of this stuff and I've already made over 6 gallons in the past month and have a shit ton of this stuff left.

Double Protip. Buy a pound of no-rinse sanitizer. Much better results. Much less chemical taste chance lingering in your product. OR if you buy gallons of spring or distilled water, those things are already sterile so you dont even need to worry about sanitizing, just get a new jug next time and you are golden.

Now ladies and gentlemen, we come to the true science part of our project. Typicially I like to use between 7 and 10 grams of yeast per gallon. This is a typical rule of thumb and if you stick to this, you will almost always yield a positive result.

Personally myself I like to make a "starter" because it just basically "kickstarts" the whole fermentation process for you. What I do, take a shotglass and put some warm water in it, some of your spring water or distilled if saved, and dump your serving of yeast into the glass, and wait a few minutes. Ideally if you were to make a full starter you put it into a 12/16oz bottle and let it go for an hour, then you can put it in the fridge overnight and take it out an hour before use to let it achieve room temperature again. This is just ensuring that your yeast is alive and kicking. You DO NOT HAVE TO do this step. I just like to in order to be thorough.

This is my starter only a few minutes later and it ALREADY is kicking. This is thanks to that amazing yeast I ended up investing in. Like I said, its WORTH IT.

Ok last few steps my friends. All you need now is to pitch the yeast into the mixture. Up-end it/ shake gently for a few moments and then place it in its appropriate resting place where you can leave it undisturbed for a while. Typically a few days to a few weeks depending on strength you want and type of yeast you have used. Invest in an AIRLOCK. JUST DO IT! If you don't have an airlock you CAN use a condom but I REALLY DON"T RECOMMEND THIS. Those chemicals and flavors. I know personally I don't want that in my drink, but in a pinch you can add it to the top and poke a pin hole in it so CO2 may escape and oxygen doesn't get into your mix.

Once you have added the airlock all you have to do is keep an eye on it making sure that nothign overflows (which it wont if you left the appropriate space when we started) The yeast I added in produces about 14% in 2 days and 20% in 5 days. That means by the time the superbowl comes around everyone can be fucked up on hard tea and gatorade. It cost me in total for supplies used per project under 5 dollars a gallon.

Hack Your Life (IRL Protips & Cheats)

I have stumbled across some very interesting information over the years I've spent lurking through the internet and out there in the great blue yonder and some neat things have come to pass. I couldn't have made this article possible though without a good amount of submissions and ideas from the /b/ros but unfortunately I'll never be able to thank them enough because of reasons that you either know, or you don't know. Simple things even that could improve our daily life by simplicity in design or a stroke of genius by a small change or way of approaching things.

I am also in the midst with a few new random friends in creating a "cookbook" if you would and here is our open page to link to it. http://titanpad.com/h4kbpfgHgp We are making The Anon Cookbook basically, if you know what that is good. If you do not I am not going to answer any questions about it. You'll have to learn elsewhere.

 I hope you enjoy some of the things I am about to share with you and possible optimize your lifes' potential from this yourself. This will not be presented in any order, its more of a wildcard situation where you can find anything from a few motivational tips to some simple recipes to unwritten rules. You will just have to click and scroll and see which you like the best and feel free to share with the rest of the world what you find here. So now without any further delay, let's get this show on the road.

I would like to start with a few lists just to get the energy flowing.

First just a look into ourselves and daily life.

Shit just got real.

Even if you suck, at least you are trying.

Alright so you hate to fuckin' draw, HERE.

Remember to open your eyes to the world around you. Pay attention to details & even though it sounds trite you will thank me one day for not just being an oblivious asshole like so many others out there.

All In All Is All We Are

Ok well how about some fun & neat information instead.

We'll start off with just a simple text based nugget of random informational goodies.

Who's Hungry? I have a shitload of weird combos & recipes and this is most of them I have available from my collection. I tried to keep most of these together but whatever if I missed one I'll just add it when I find it and you will enjoy it. So I know there is alot of food stuff up here, and there is plenty of other stuff so just keep reading if you hate food. Or you can fuck off and not enjoy it. Whatever.

Mother Of God...

Other end of the food spectrum that will not murder you in your sleep.

Bacon. Fucking. Turtle. Burgers.

Dessert for some delicious soft bake cookies. MMMMMM BITCH!
What would Samuel Say?

(Due to the nature of certain things, I cannot condone doing everything stated in this blog)
*Legal mumbo jumbo because my ex is a tramp*

~Alternatives~

~Alternatives~

 Personally I own a Mr. Beer kit, I know I know, it's not nearly as hardcore as the real stills but I made my own beer, have you? Carry on and enjoy this.

****This could be dangerous if you are fucking around so if you really are going to make your own beer, BE VERY CAREFUL****

Special Section for Ladies: Pay attention to this one. Not all of you are this way but be wary of the ones who are.

So you think you can dance eh?

(I don't even like 9gag but what the hell.)

*Informational Purposes section - Legal MumboJumbo Again - Blah Blah Blah*

Sweet Ninja Defenses

For all intensive purposes NO ONE should ever have this..

*DONT DO THIS* I don't even know where one of you nutters would GET C4 in the first place*

Take a lesson whiteknights, just because you say what you THINK they want to hear; That does NOT constitute saying these things because you end up looking like a pussy, even if you are right.

 **DO NOT MAKE THIS**

Medium Rare to Medium is the absolute absolution of perfection and I don't care what you think.

 So much Kickass I can't even tolerate it.

I myself am unaware of how to construct something like this, but it would be an epic creation.

The man has invaded your home & is gassing you. WHAT DO YOU DO?

HOME DEFENSE 101: CHEAPASS SHOTGUN *I do not condone anyone making this*

*Do not make this* You'd have to be some kind of scientist like in Breaking Bad anyone.

              *Mac is the only one who would be proud, unless you used it for fireworks, then it would kick ass.

Back to the food again for another swing this time we go right for Wendy herself. 

Build your own motha-fuckin air conditioner & have your beer nearby! FTW.

Use this key to find out exactly where you'd like to gun for sitting on your next flight.

 COUNT BINARY ON YOUR FINGERS... IMPRESSIVE.

YOU = LEGEND

QUICK METHOD TO CONSTRUCTING YOUR OWN NINJA MASK FROM A T-SHIRT

PETROL COKE CAN STOVE.. HEATING UP!

Alternate PBR version.

BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW

FUCK THE WEATHER CHANNEL

PUR filter. Nature Style.

Version 2

HOOCH!!! 2 Versions

Survival Guide Rescue Signals? YUP

  SURVIVAL RADIO

 KNOW THY ENEMY

NICE

 *INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY, DO NOT MAKE*

 *DO NOT MAKE*

*I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY DON'T DO THIS, BUT DON'T DO THIS.*

 *CLASSIC*

 CIGARETTE FUSES ARE THE BOMB...

Have fun making this cat scratch pad. You will thank me later.

Baby Security and Nourishment

*Please don't be stupid and think this is serious. EX*

Word.

Prankhacks for dicks. 

 Some fun common sense

Don't even lie to me and tell me you would never play this. 

Common Sense

 Common S